Something In the Way

The feeling to be something has never been stronger. I find little motivation or direction. I don't know what I want to do. Anyone who reads this blog can see I enjoy writing about my feelings and am pretty sensitive. So I want to study psychology and become a therapist to help people with similar problems, or different ones. I am screwing up in school, my social life isn't great. I have good friends who help me get by and I'm thankful for. I often wonder though, if I have it in me to keep going. I get stressed over the wrong things, and don't stress about the right things. I'm always worried about what people are thinking about me, that I can't relax. I make this a problem, and it's not. Many people have this social anxiety, and some have it worse than me, but it's all in the mind. Even if people do talk badly about you, if your a good person it doesn't fucking matter. I used to be a better person. I used to care man, i used to give a shit. But, I just don't feel like I used to. I don't have this moral ambitiousness to help everyone. I've become self-centered and unfocused on the big picture. I'm uneducated on what's going on. I feel blind, i don't know what's happening in the world. Ignorance is only bliss when one isn't conscious that there is something else they should know about. I should be more in touch with people. I'm not looking for some big life meaning anymore, and I shouldn't be. But, I really am not doing much of anything. Sitting on my ass waiting for life to come to me. I'm trying to grow up, become more able to make decisions and take action. But, i don't know what action to take. I still have the hope I have in the world, deep down I know I do care about life, and people. But I've lost myself. I can't find what is important to me. I hope I find me, or at least something to help me get on the right path, or maybe just get by.