Unexplained Struggles

There is pain in my stomach, and bump in my throat. I feel the tingling of Two-headed boy. My mind is racing, desperately trying to avoid my worst memories and my deepest sensitivities and emotional distresses. I have often come to this place. Where I have lost my confidence, the boldness of my voice evaporated in the silent confines of my one-dimensional thoughts. I can't concentrate on one thing. Writing, music, facebook, random thoughts, bad thoughts, paranoia, unreasonable paranoia, stopping just short at disillusioned paranoia. That little pain still jabs my gut. Tearing at it, as if to force the memories in. Face your fears, don't let the thoughts control you. Think it's all just in your head. Everyone feels like this, I'm not crazy. There is fear in my eyes, tears in my heart. I am sometimes trapped in my past, trapped it what cannot be changed. The song chances, I realize time forces change. It's hard to think I'll be gone it 3 days. What about 3 months? 9 months? 4 years? I don't know, how could I. The pain dies down a little bit, I think I can relax. I get this weird feeling, or maybe I'm just reminded of an old thought. Not sure. But, I finally understand, this is me. Even if everyone can't tolerate me. I am not given such a choice. I am distracted by a facebook message. I forget the grand conclusion I was coming to. Spoiled again by corporate media. Something passes through my chest, I gather nerve to tell myself to sleep. I forget the other trouble.