Searching

Like a knife in your chest
when there's nothing left,
I can't speak in reality,
caught out of actuality,
I am not where I am,
I am in an isolated land,
facing the worst truth,
I think about you,
it's not all that I do.

There are days when it feels good,
where I am where I should,
until I drift into the shadow
away from the good,
I hear the world is supposed to flow
there is a steady pattern to know,
but that's just not how it goes.

There is warmth
and there is cheer,
there is anything
and anyone you know here
but not for one.
There is nothing for singularity.
Stuck in self-pity,
only to be misunderstood.

Tried the right way
tried not to hide away
but that is not me,
there may be no singularity,
but in my life, there is my need,
whether it is more holy, or pure, is unsure,
but I am not a kid
not a man,
I do not know who I am.