The Feels, Or Lack Thereof

It's not there anymore. There is nothing coming to bring me to the light, nothing that will take charge for me. There is no desire in me to fend for myself, to be a, "man." No need to succumb to the immaculate realizations I have at my darkest moments. Blasting Andrew Jackson Jihad, Wavves, and Defiance, Ohio. I find myself with watered eyes, but unable to cry. I may not find happiness, not ever, but now I do not know if I can even be sad. I do not know what I feel. Sudden sparks of laughter, anxiety, discomfort, sometimes pleasure. I am most definitely human, but lack the ability to be a person. Nobody cares about whether they matter, people just want to feel whatever feels right in the moment. But, nothing feels right anymore. I still desire, but do not hope, nor act, for there is nothing for me. Just a mind waiting to fall to the everlasting clock that is true divinity. My best friends are pity and depression, weighing down my motivation to achieve my believed potential.