What kind of Asshole writes a blog?

I think the reason I can't sympathize with anyone anymore is because of fear. I used to always feel alone, which made me feel less than other people, and made it easier for me to understand when other people were upset. Having the perception that your worse than everyone also makes it easy to want to help other people, because you feel as though their problems are more important. However, I have gained some undeserved self-worth, and now value my personal desires over others, and find myself to generally be more important than others. This makes me a douche bag. The fact that I'm writing this, makes me a self-hating douche bag. I'm not truly sure which is worse. It is odd though that regardless whether I hold myself in high or low esteem, I feel unhappy. Maybe I'd be happy if I can find a perfect balance between the two. But I'm tired of having to find equilibrium all the time. So, I think I should go back to being alone, that way I face my greatest fear, don;t have to be a douche bag, an might just be able to help all those people who are better than me.

Fuck Tinder. ( Not about Tinder)

Today I felt lonely. Tomorrow, I'll probably feel the same way. That's been a general theme in my life. I should probably grow some balls, but its easier just to drink way too much Friday and Saturday nights. Listen to music to ease my pain. I went on a date the other day. I've only been on dates with four girls including this one in my life. Only one of them ever lead anywhere. Or maybe 1 1/2. This last one didn't seem to lead to much. Maybe I should text the girl again, try and see if it could work, but I didn't feel a connection. I kinda feel more comfortable being alone sometimes. It's a safety net. A place where I can feel like shit and not have anyone laugh at me. It's hard being me, but probably harder to be other people. Or maybe harder for other people to be them. Or maybe it's the same for all of us. We're not as different as we think, but we're not as similar as we appear. What I mean is, all meaning is bullshit. Subjective blah blah blah about how happiness is unique to you. Just figure your shit out. Or don't. I never have, and look at me. I'm posting my problems to the internet because I have no else to talk to. Or choose not to. I don't know maybe I'll ask a girl I meet in person soon. Maybe aliens will invade tomorrow. Maybe you'll read my blog. Life's full of surprises. Peace, I got to go listen to Fidlar.

God's Not Dead, But My Soul Is

My name is Jacob Cohen. I am 20 years old. I have had this blog for about a year and a half. I haven't written on here in a few months. I am not a happy person. But, who is? People are rarely as happy as they look. But "I'm happy that you're happier than me." Sorry it's an Andrew Jackson Jihad and sporcle kind of night for me. I have some good friends. I go to a decent university, in a country that's "free"; Or at least as free as one can be in the political world. I have had 2,330 views on this blog. Mostly Americans. But a lot from the UK and Russia. Others from all over, Germany, Finland, China, Mexico. I don't know these people, but maybe it helps them to see their is someone more sad then them. I guess I can't say I am more sad. But, that they can find solace in my melancholy moments. (that sounded pretentious). I hope these writings mean something to people. I don't know if they do, I don't know if anyone even truly cares about them. There are people in life worse off than I, but I often wonder if they are happier. That perhaps people can be happy without basic needs. I am thankful I have them. I am thankful for life. I am hopeful for the future. I am hopeful because I see people who seem happy. I do not know if they truly are happy. But when I am in bed on my laptop late at night blogging, I can only find that I need to believe there are happy people. Nobody can be happy all the time. But some people can be happy with their lives. One day I hope I can be like these people. If they do exist. I suppose it's kind of like religion to some people. To those who do no know if there is a god, but choose to believe there is one because it helps them. When I tell people I don't believe in god, I get mixed results. To others who do not believe, they don't mind my opinion. To people who are not sure they can understand why I would feel that way. To people who believe in god, I sometimes find my opinion not welcomed but accepted, or perhaps tolerated. But to some, I am looked upon as though I am evil. Like my disbelief is the cause of all the problems of life itself. I am not a great person, but I am not the cause of all life's problems. Yet, when I think about it, what if someone were to tell me they don't believe anyone is happy. That there is no one who fully enjoys life. Would I look at these people with the scornful gaze I know all too well? Would I get angered over someone Else's opinion? I honestly don't know. I may never know. Perhaps I am not all of life's problems but, just part of them. Or perhaps one day people can accept their differences on principle beliefs. Perhaps.