God's Not Dead, But My Soul Is

My name is Jacob Cohen. I am 20 years old. I have had this blog for about a year and a half. I haven't written on here in a few months. I am not a happy person. But, who is? People are rarely as happy as they look. But "I'm happy that you're happier than me." Sorry it's an Andrew Jackson Jihad and sporcle kind of night for me. I have some good friends. I go to a decent university, in a country that's "free"; Or at least as free as one can be in the political world. I have had 2,330 views on this blog. Mostly Americans. But a lot from the UK and Russia. Others from all over, Germany, Finland, China, Mexico. I don't know these people, but maybe it helps them to see their is someone more sad then them. I guess I can't say I am more sad. But, that they can find solace in my melancholy moments. (that sounded pretentious). I hope these writings mean something to people. I don't know if they do, I don't know if anyone even truly cares about them. There are people in life worse off than I, but I often wonder if they are happier. That perhaps people can be happy without basic needs. I am thankful I have them. I am thankful for life. I am hopeful for the future. I am hopeful because I see people who seem happy. I do not know if they truly are happy. But when I am in bed on my laptop late at night blogging, I can only find that I need to believe there are happy people. Nobody can be happy all the time. But some people can be happy with their lives. One day I hope I can be like these people. If they do exist. I suppose it's kind of like religion to some people. To those who do no know if there is a god, but choose to believe there is one because it helps them. When I tell people I don't believe in god, I get mixed results. To others who do not believe, they don't mind my opinion. To people who are not sure they can understand why I would feel that way. To people who believe in god, I sometimes find my opinion not welcomed but accepted, or perhaps tolerated. But to some, I am looked upon as though I am evil. Like my disbelief is the cause of all the problems of life itself. I am not a great person, but I am not the cause of all life's problems. Yet, when I think about it, what if someone were to tell me they don't believe anyone is happy. That there is no one who fully enjoys life. Would I look at these people with the scornful gaze I know all too well? Would I get angered over someone Else's opinion? I honestly don't know. I may never know. Perhaps I am not all of life's problems but, just part of them. Or perhaps one day people can accept their differences on principle beliefs. Perhaps.