The High School Journey

A few days ago my best friend left for college. It's odd to know your closest friend isn't around anymore. For most people this doesn't happen often. It's something that happens in life. For me, high school was a weird 4 year journey. At the beginning of freshman year I was scared. I didn't know what this place was going to be like. I was a scrawny 5 foot six kid who was too fearful of the upperclassman, and had become so overwhelmed by stories he had heard that he couldn't even talk to his own friends. The people I had grown up with had become strangers to me. I hung out with them for the first few months the best I could, but I had begun to drift away. I always felt bad about losing my closest friend from elementary and middle school; The friend whose house had practically been a second home for me. He had tried to talk to me, but for some reason I thought he didn't like me anymore. I guess I had a pretty shitty self-esteem as a new high school student. I often wonder if there is anyone who truly has a high self-esteem at that point though. Nonetheless, I realized if I was going to survive in high school, I was going to need some friends. Usually, at lunch time I would sit with a couple of kids I was comfortable with from middle school, and a few other kids who i'd gone to middle school with, but wasn't really friends with would come also. One day, the janitor got so pissed off, he made us change our seating area. at our school, the Juniors took the cafeteria because Seniors could go out for lunch, and as the next ones down on the food chain, the younger upperclassmen planted a strong foot to stay away. So, the freshman and sophomores were forced to roam the halls and look for a place to eat. Since we had been kicked out of our old spot, I ended up sitting with the kids I hadn't really been friends with at middle school. And we quickly became friends in high school. From 9th to 11th grade we would go to one of our three houses every Friday and just hangout, play some basketball or football, and just not worry about all the shit that happened at school that week. But, as time went on even that bond started to fade. One friend got in trouble and had to spend time in rehab instead of hanging out, the other got new friends, and I was left to find my own way again. And after a month or so of once again trying to find some sort of group, I was swayed into a relationship by the only girl who had ever taken interest with me. I had asked her out before and she said no. But, as we got closer, and her life became harder, she was happy to have me around and and actually started to show interest in me. And, so for a year, I was in a way too serious high school relationship, in which I was complacent for a year. But after that, she moved on like everyone else. The passive kid that i am watched it all implode as my young heart became crushed. Which lead me to graduation. I had a buddy of mine help me get through the break up, and I merged into his friend group. The first time since middle school that I actually had a large pack of friends. For the Summer between high school and the college, we all chilled. We partied when we could, made some memories. From beach week, to just getting drunk at one of our houses we made one last bond before we all moved on. And though some of us left already, and some are leaving before others, for the first time,it's not just other people moving on from me, but I finally feel as though I am actively moving on as well. Instead of being passively moved by other people, i am being force ably moved by life. There is no choice, there is nothing I can do, and there is nothing I want to do about it. I will be starting school abroad in London, studying from the University of Maryland. And one day, I'll move on from there too.